September 5th, 2008
I’m Not Who I Was
I got a phone call today from the person with whom I have the most (the only?) conditional relationship of my life. The purpose of the call? To add more conditions.
My beloved says I should have let the caller talk and then say, “Oh” followed by nothing. Would that I were not the sworn enemy of the uncomfortable silence!
It’s not like I couldn’t have said that, I guess. But I didn’t think of it. Thankfully, I did think to pray. God answered my arrow prayers and it went OK. And finally I remembered (about twenty sentences too late) my new pat answer, “I will give that some thought.” As often happens after a confrontation by this person, I was a little shaky when I got off the phone. But I wasn’t sobbing, so there’s that.
I remembered this song, and I listened. I’m listening to it now for about the thirty-seventh time.
I pray that God would help me take something useful from the observations that were made by this person; though I pray it, I’m not “feeling it.” It galls me to think that there could be something to what was said. Yet I don’t want to despise correction that has truth in it, regardless of the source.
Lord deliver me and mine from the plague of those who love conditionally. Why would they push us away?
I repent of bitterness (still not feelin’ it.)
I listen again…
“The thing I find most amazing in amazing grace, is the chance to give it out, maybe that’s what love is all about.”
Do they reject us so we can’t do the rejecting first….?
Sometimes, perspective really is everything.