January 24th, 2006
Sad Day
I called her Skittish, but her name was Audrey.
Ken and I were dating when she was born to his two other cats. He said, “Are you SURE you want me to keep her? If we get married someday you might be living with THREE cats.”
We did. And I did. For over 13 years we had Elvis, Roxanne and their “daughter” Audrey. They were the perfect little trio of cats. Elvis is a big guy (nicknamed “Adonis” before he got fixed and turned to flab); Roxanne is average sized; and Audrey stayed small. So the “dad, mom and baby” look of them was frozen in time.
Her name was inspired by her Breakfast at Tiffany’s eyes and the shape her face had as a kitten. Her nickname came from the personality she developed over time.
The poor cat would hiss at me when I came in to feed her; not because she was mean but because she was nervous. Not aggressive, but worried.
About what I didn’t know.
When our first baby came all the cats went from being my beloved pets to the potential smotherers of my son. (No, I didn’t believe the suck-the-air-out-of-their-lungs myth, but I could imagine Elvis in all his 18+ pound glory jumping into the crib and sitting on Kenny’s head.)
And of course, if I petted the cats I had to wash my hands before I touched the baby (mom thing) and I had to wash my hands and touch the baby all the time anyway. So neglect ensued.
I wasn’t harsh with her unless she came near the baby’s door. (There has been one “baby’s room” continually for over 10 years, so the cats well know the appropriate line.)
The other cats did fine with the new Martin order, but she withdrew from all of us; especially from me. We peacefully coexisted in the same house, but rarely the same room.
She would still approach Ken now and then, particularly if he was loafing from a virus.
There were even times she would sit on his chest like she often used to do. But if I came in the room it always wrecked it.
Recently I would pet her while she ate, trying to remind her that we liked each other once. Sometimes she would allow it for a moment before she’d move away. If I kept trying she’d go and hide behind something. It just wasn’t worth it to her.
We saw a sore on her belly and took her in. It was a tumor. We talked it over, weighed the options, accounted for her age and the likelihood of malignancy. But frankly the checking account balance could have just as easily made the decision alone.
I passed on the ashes, but thought the paw-print was a nice idea. So after they gave her a shot to calm her, they imprinted her front paw into some clay that I will bake later tonight.
They left us alone. I kissed her fur - one kiss for every member of the family, including two tiny licks for Elvis and Roxanne. I know that sounds weird, but it made sense at the time. I talked to her; I said goodbye to her with each of her names, then wished I hadn’t said her nickname and didn’t use it again.
I petted her; the sedative had given her no choice. I hope she liked it. And I hope she remembered the sound of my voice and that we were friends.
January 24th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
[...] One of our kittys died today. :( [...]
January 27th, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Jeez, Helen… Get out of my head! We had to put down our pal “Calvin” shortly before Eli was born. In my adult life, I don’t think I have ever sobbed so hard! Calvin was similar to your Audrey, in the “peaceful coexistence” way. He tolerated me, but hated most other humans. (So he might not have made it to Eli’s birth anyway.) Two years ago, I would have poo-pooed any show of emotion regarding a pet’s expiration… Today, I hope you and Ken and the kid’s can remember the good times with fondness, and have a good cry, too. I’m sorry for your loss.
January 28th, 2006 at 11:02 pm
Thank’s Pal.
We are all doing very well with it. It was sad and strange to see the two cats waiting at the top of the stairs to be fed and not see her little frame there, too. I seriously almost NEVER saw the cat unless she was being fed.
My four year old Henry (who was at the vet with me that day) just said to me yesterday, “Remember Audrey? I miss her.”
I don’t think he truly notices her absence. (Again, how could he?) I think - and from a mom’s perspective, appreciate just as much - it is completely sincere feigned sadness.
He is aware of how much of a family topic it is and he wants to be part of what is going on. He saw that we were sad and so he’s sharing in our sorrows. Perfectly sweet and uniquely “four year old” of him.
January 28th, 2006 at 11:12 pm
One more thing - if you ever get a female kitten, and even if she will be strictly indoors and cloistered from male feline companionship, having her spayed YOUNG can virtually eliminate the type of tumor that the vet said she had little doubt that Audrey had.
She was spayed, but not until she was about seven.
The vet’s name is Maureen Wolfgram. She was wonderful.
January 29th, 2006 at 12:30 pm
Hi Guys~
I am sorry you lost Audrey. She was adorable. Having lost many pets over the years it doesn’t get easier. You two have handled it beautifully. Helen, I think your comments should be published in a magazine. You are a gifted writer. I believe when a living creature dies there is a space that cannot be filled again by anything. We cherish what is left and are grateful for what once was ours. God’s blessings to you all. Love~Mom
January 29th, 2006 at 10:57 pm
Hello Nancey,
Thanks for your kind words. The edge is off the sadness, I think, but it seems so unreal that she isn’t here; as if I don’t really believe it. She has just always been here.
I am glad you had a chance to visit this site. Ken set it up for me and I am enjoying the outlet. I just hope to generally make sense, and occasionally add something useful to cyberspace.
Otherwise, it already seems a great way to keep the grandparents up to date.
Blessings to you and Scott,
Helen
January 30th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
Sorry to hear about your loss. I believe that pets provide a link to the love of our creator. That’s why I think their loss is so hard to deal with sometimes. But there is a message here to consider. Pets love unconditionally and except for cats, which I know little about, are always glad to see you. Cat’s can’t give away that they care cuz if they do you’ll start try to train them to do stuff.
The best advice I can give, and this will be worth what you’ve paid for it, is to get another kitty. Audrey has passed on leaving room for the new kitty to do in a little different way what she did. Remind you of love and affection.
Love Dad